Friends With Benefits and the Lowdown on Hook Ups, Part I

Unless you've been married for the past decade (in which case, you shouldn't be here on Singletude :P), you may have noticed that the landscape of dating has changed, especially for "kids these days," and now more closely resembles an auto body shop than a fast food joint, a movie theatre, or even a bar. Yes, I'm talking about the practice of hooking up, the flavor du jour of dating among trendy young singles, and its older, more dependable cousin, the friends with benefits (FWB) relationship, both of which are descendants of the granddaddy of casual sex, the one-night stand. One of my regular readers, Victoria Gothic, suggested that Singletude cover this topic, and I'm happy to oblige.

Let's start by defining a "hook up." Unlike a one-night stand, which implies a one-time encounter that ends in sex, a hook up can occur between two people who may or may not know each other, and it can happen more than once. A recent survey of college students indicates that hook ups are confined to foreplay about 25% of the time, proceed to intercourse in 35-40% of cases, and presumably conclude with another form of sex in the remaining 35-40% of make-out sessions. "Friends with benefits" may also hook up but are distinguished by their preexisting closeness and an ongoing commitment to the friendship, as well as by the more consistent nature of their sexual escapades.

Whatever form they take, hook ups are on the rise, with 76% of college seniors reporting at least one hook up during their college careers and nearly seven hook ups on average. In another study, 60% of students said they had had at least one friend with benefits. Considering the prevalence of these kinds of relationships, it seems wise to weigh their pros and cons before jumping into the sack with both feet only to discover that you're in over your head.

It doesn't take a Harvard graduate to calculate the advantages of a casual physical relationship. If you don't want or can't find someone to commit to, it's a way to release sexual energy with no strings attached. In the case of an FWB arrangement, it also promises consistent sex with some degree of safety; presumably, you can trust your friend to be disease-free and to have some consideration for you as a person, neither of which you could expect from a virtual stranger in a hook up.

But casual encounters have a downside, too, one that sometimes gets lost in the fast-paced, pleasure-driven hook-up culture. If you want to live life in the fast lane, here are some less than sexy outcomes you should prepare for, two today and two tomorrow:



1. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)

One in five Americans has an STD, and one in four will have one at some point in their lives.1 (By some estimates, the infection rate is as high as 50%.)2 Two-thirds of STD infections occur in people under 25,1 precisely the population in which casual sex is the most prevalent. Every sexual partner you have increases your risk of contracting an STD, and you can multiply that risk by the number of partners your partner has had.3

Unfortunately, condoms aren't foolproof against infection, either. A number of STDs are passed by skin-to-skin contact rather than through bodily fluids, and thus condoms offer little to no protection. These diseases include Herpes, Syphilis, and Human Papillomavirus (HPV), strains of which can cause genital warts or cervical cancer.4 Lots of young people assume they'll be safe if they restrict their hook ups to oral sex. Not so. Some of the nastiest viruses, such as Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis, are contagious through oral sex as well.5

The widespread nature of STDs and the ease of transmission of some of the more threatening varieties make casual sex a risky business, even when you're careful. Of course, if you're going to hook up anyway, protection is a must, no matter what your partner tells you, as is regular STD testing. Some singles will lie through their teeth to get laid, and lots of others aren't even aware they're infected.


2. Pregnancy

Not illogically, women and adolescent girls who have multiple partners are at increased risk of pregnancy.6,7 An unwanted pregnancy is difficult enough when two people care about each other but aren't ready for parenthood. Imagine, then, what a conundrum it is for two people who don't even know each other's last names!

When used effectively, condoms are very good at protecting against pregnancy.8 But, now and then, they brake, tear, or fail for other reasons, not to mention that they aren't worn correctly about 15% of the time. In other words, every time you have sex, there's a possibility of pregnancy, no matter how safe you are. And an embryo doesn't care if its parents have slept together for years or just one time.

If you're going to have casual sex, Planned Parenthood recommends you use two methods of protection, so bring on the reinforcements.



Join Singletude next time for two more reasons to exercise caution with the casual hook up!


In your opinion, is the hook-up culture a positive development, or is it outweighed by the dangers of casual sex? In your circle of acquaintance, are most unscathed by the physical dangers of hook ups, or have you known people (no names, of course!) whose lives have been touched by unintended pregnancy or an STD?


Sources
1. Cool Nurse
2. American Social Health Association
3. About.com: Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
4. Talk Sex with Sue Johanson
5. San Francisco City Clinic
6. Physicians For Life
7. About.com: Alcoholism ("Multiple Sex Partners Indicates Trouble for Teens")
8. Advocates For Youth