Single Homeowners: Ready to Be Home Alone?

Once upon a time, the "single-family home," despite its misleading name, housed a mom, a dad, two kids, and a dog...or, at the very least, a husband and wife in training for the kids and dog. If Mr. Jones pulled his Chevy into the driveway after a long day of work and disappeared into a dark, quiet house to eat take-out and watch TV by himself, then it was whispered that there must be something wrong with him. Why would one person need all that space? He must be antisocial...or a child molester...or...or...something else bad because everyone knows the key to being a good person is getting someone else to listen to you snore for the rest of your life, right?

These days, "single-family home" often has a more literal meaning as a house where a single adult lives, with or without kids. In case some marrieds are still wondering, singles buy homes for the same reasons you do--for privacy, space, an investment, stability. Apparently, these basic human needs are pretty important to American singles because, in 2008, 30% of home buyers were single according to the National Association of Realtors. Let me rephrase that for added impact: More than a quarter of U.S. home buyers are now living "home alone."

Since homes have declined in value by over 20% since their 2006 peak, now would seem to be the time to buy in for singles who have the means. But before you graduate from paying the rent to paying the mortgage, you should take an honest look at the hidden costs and upkeep required to keep those window boxes blooming and that picket fence sparkling white. Keep these factors in mind when evaluating whether single home ownership is for you:


1. The cost of owning a home extends well beyond the mortgage. It also encompasses property taxes (about 1.5% of the property value), insurance (about .5% of the property value), heating (about $101.20 per month) and electricity (about $1,182 from October to March), and routine maintenance. Some of these costs will vary by location and could be much higher. For instance, if you live in a northern state, the cost to heat your home during the winter months will jump to $2,725. Likewise, if you live in a good school district, expect to pay thousands more per year, such as the good residents of Westchester County, NY, who cough up an average property tax of $7,908 compared to their brethren in Vernon Parish, LA, who owe a scant $115. And the sad fact is that you can't call a landlord when you need a new roof or septic system, either of which can easily run you $20,000. So make sure you prepare yourself and your bank account for these additional expenses.

2. You will need to be your own handyman (or -woman!). Even if you move into a brand new house, sooner or later there will be drains to unplug, electrical outlets to install, major appliances to repair. On a more frequent basis, there will be minor tasks awaiting your tired back after a long day of work--carpets to vacuum, shelves to dust, windows to wash. In your one-bedroom apartment, you may polish off these jobs in an hour on a Saturday morning, but the average size of a house is well over 2,000 sq. ft.! And we're just talking about the inside. Outside, there will be grass to mow, leaves to rake, snow to shovel. Some of these responsibilities you will need to tackle yourself, and others will require you to hire a pro, often for a hefty $75 or $100 an hour, and take the day off to wait for him to (possibly) show up. Think about whether you have the time and physical endurance to be a good housekeeper...or whether you can afford to have someone else do it for you.

3. A house is first and foremost a place to live, not an investment. If you want to invest, try an IRA or a mutual fund, as millions of unsuspecting homeowners backed by Countrywide and Fannie Mae learned this year. That is not to say that your house won't appreciate over time, but we now know its value can also plummet, leaving you in hot water if you owe more than it's worth, a situation now facing 27% of American homeowners. So don't assume that buying is always a financially savvy decision. In fact, if your rent is at least 35% less than the annual cost of owning the home you want, re-sign that lease because you're better off renting. On the other hand, you will get a happy, healthy tax break for owning, so include it in your calculations!

4. A house is a place to put down roots and build a foundation. It is not a substitute motel room with more space and fewer bedbugs. If, like many young singles unsettled in their careers, you don't intend to stay for at least three or four years, you may want to put off buying. The costs incurred when a house changes hands can add up to a big fat loss if you have to go through the process twice in as many years, and if you sell before you've owned even that long, you'll get hit with a capital gains tax. So be sure you like where you live and that your source of income is stable.

5. A house is not automatically a home. While some singles luxuriate in the space and solitude of a house, others find that four walls and a roof don't equal a home without their roommates or neighbors across the hall. If you like to be surrounded by people all the time, living in a house by yourself can be an isolating experience. It also may raise safety concerns for those who are older, have health issues, or live in high-crime neighborhoods. If you're worried about any of these possibilities but still want a place of your own, consider condos and housing developments, where neighbors are more accessible. Also, just because you're single doesn't mean you have to live alone any more than it did when you rented. Now you can become the grouchy landlord you always hated and rent one or more rooms in your house, which will not only provide the companionship you seek but some help with the mortgage, too! (Just remember that if your tenant lives with you, there's a limit to how grouchy you can be before it's no longer in your best interest. ;) )


The five points above are not intended to discourage you from pursuing your dream of single homeownership but to remind you of the realities behind the romance of that little cabin in the woods or cottage by the shore. However, if you understand and are prepared to shoulder the responsibilities of a house, then there's no reason to wait for a significant other to enjoy the comfort, privacy, and personal space as well as the sense of pride that are part and parcel of owning your own home.

If still in doubt, test it out! You can always rent a house for a year or two to get a sense of what it takes to maintain a residence before you're the one required to maintain it. Who knows? The landlord may even offer to sell once you've established a good relationship.

Now that you're ready to join the big kids and be home alone, you face a long and sometimes arduous road from pre-approval to move-in day. Next time, Singletude will guide you down the path step by step with tips for single house hunters.


Are you a single who hopes to buy a home of your own? If so, what are some of the pros and cons that you've been considering? If you already own a home, are you glad you made the decision to buy? What advice would you give to other singles thinking about buying their own homes?


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Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have a rant or rave about singlehood? Write in, and you just might see your question in a Singletude Q&A or your rant or rave in a Singletude Sound-off!

"Alone Together" by Jennifer Senior: A Singletude Response

On November 23, "Alone Together" was the cover story of New York Magazine. Since I love it when the mainstream media addresses singles issues, I dashed over here to tell you about it. Unlike those brief pop newsflashes with their useless trivia ("4 of 5 Single Women Say they Want to Get Married,"anyone?), this article has heft and meat, even if I got the sense that a few of the marital stats used to dress up this hearty fare had passed their expiration date. Overall, though, the article takes an in-depth look at living single in the country's most populated metro center and, in the end, reaffirms it as a natural and healthy condition.

The fact that singles now live alone in one of every two New York City apartments prompted writer Jennifer Senior to question the stereotype of the lonely, isolated cat lady. In the process, although she trots out the same overblown Waite and Gallagher statistics about how much happier and healthier married people are (see my review of Dr. Bella DePaulo's Singled Out to better understand how this data is manipulated to support an agenda), she ultimately uncovers the truth that has quietly shaped half the American population--that social health is about depth and variety of connection, not marriage. And due to that finding, it should come as no surprise that, despite their tough veneer, cities are often the most fertile grounds for establishing and maintaining all-important social networks. Here are some of the article's highlights:

*Even though people are more likely to live alone in urban environments as opposed to less populated areas, city dwellers are less likely to feel lonely.
*Singles feel more connected when surrounded by other singles and are therefore less likely to be lonely in the city than out in the 'burbs.
*The unhappily married feel lonely as often as or more often than singles.
*A large network of close friends and acquaintances increases happiness and health as much as a good marriage. Urbanites tend to have more friends.
*Singles tend to have more friends and leave home to socialize more frequently than couples.
*Intimate friendships aren't the only benchmark of emotional health. Casual acquaintances (i.e., friends of friends) and colleagues increase our sense of well-being, too.
*The Internet communication that so many in the young single generation favor, long vilified for its propensity to isolate, is, in fact, a valuable means of socialization.
*Living alone in itself may provide personal satisfaction due to its association with maturity, independence, and achievement.

Senior fleshes out these claims with research evidence, expert interviews, and some editorializing that seems mostly on the mark and singles-friendly. She also raises a point that resonated with me and might with you, too. Specifically, if you are among the millions of professional singles who never step off the workaday treadmill, you may be particularly vulnerable to loneliness because your--pardon the pun--single-minded attention to work may preclude developing social contacts. I have to admit right about now I'm hearing strains of "People who need people/Are the luckiest people in the world..."

Now I know there are some critics who will be offended by the article's unabashed crushing on NYC and cities in general. In its defense, when I lived in a semi-rural area, I did feel more lonely than I do now, although I suspect that was due more to a difference of perception than actual hours spent socializing. Still, the potential for connection, as desired, that teems right outside my door in a big city is itself a comfort that I didn't have in a small town, and perhaps that sense of connectedness is almost as important as time spent in the presence of others. Nevertheless, while cities may be hotbeds for happening singles, the most important factor in your social success is how dedicated you are to cultivating connections. Even in a city as enormous as New York, like Senior, I am easily isolated by my work if I don't consciously make time for family, friends, dating, and outside activities.

In any event, I am pleased to see a high-profile magazine put a mostly positive spin on singlehood, confronting the myth of loneliness head-on and discrediting it. I observe so many writers purporting to do the same, who instead end up infusing their articles with nagging doubts about whether all those seemingly happy singles are really just donning a brave facade, intentionally hoodwinking traditionalists, or disconnecting from their true emotions. Senior takes the opposite approach, addressing prejudices right away and dispelling them. Whether you're a denizen of Greenwich Village or the plains of Wyoming, I encourage you to read this portrait of the coming era for singles.


What do you think about Senior's assertions in "Alone Together"? If you live alone, do you feel lonely? Do you think any loneliness that you feel is either ameliorated or exacerbated by the size of the town or city in which you live? Do you think you spend more time socializing and have more acquaintances than your coupled friends do? Do you find your social network as emotionally satisfying as a romantic relationship?


Fun Link of the Day


(This is your reference point for the dubious marital stats.)




Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have a rant or rave about singlehood? Write in, and you just might see your question in a Singletude Q&A or your rant or rave in a Singletude Sound-off!

No Sleep For Singles: Singles Are Twice as Busy

Singles are twice as busy as their married counterparts if you think about it.

Tonight I'm beat. Totally, completely wiped out. So exhausted I fell asleep for three hours before bedtime. I feel like a creature that should be hibernating right now. And this is by no means unusual. It happens with some frequency.

It occurs to me that part of the reason I'm so tired all the time is because I'm single.

Wait, wait. Before you write this off as a "poor Elsie" rant, let me explain. It's not that I'm under the impression that couples do nothing but enjoy the glow of each other's presence all day. I know all people are busy, coupled or not. But couples get to "share the busy" by dividing the labor much as they do the rent.

Consider this list of tasks I had to accomplish alone this weekend, most of which I made time for, a few of which I didn't:

1. Go grocery shopping.
2. Go to the post office for stamps.
3. Go to the bank.
4. Go to Staples to get packaging for a return item.
5. Go to Home Depot to pick up a birthday gift for a party.
6. Go to the pharmacy to pick up a birthday card.
7. Go to the stylist to get my hair cut.
8. Go to the department store to replace a shirt which literally fell apart on me.
9. Attend a birthday party.
10. Go shopping with my friend for her bridal gown.
11. Sort through mail and pay bills.
12. Buy a new computer monitor.
13. Research the current value of my car, which I'm selling, prepare paperwork for the sale, and write a description to post.
14. Send reply emails to friends who wrote to me.
15. Write a business plan for a new web site so that I can discuss it more coherently with a potential contact.
16. Write my blog posts.
17. Work on my CafePress.com site.
18. Water the plants.
19. Do the laundry.
20. Make myself three meals a day.

Obviously, some of the above stops on my itinerary were fun. I enjoyed the birthday party. I'm glad I got to help my friend pick out her wedding dress. Shopping for a new top and getting my hair done were not unpleasant errands. But I spent so much of the weekend running around that I'm actually relieved it's over and the work week about to begin.

When I was growing up, weekends were an oasis of inactivity at the end of a busy week. My mom and I woke up late and shared biscuits with honey while I watched Saturday morning cartoons. My dad usually went out to breakfast with his friends and ran errands to the post office, the bank, and the pharmacy, etc. Before he left, he'd generally ask my mom what she needed him to pick up while he was out. In the afternoon, Mom went to the A&P to "do groceries" if she hadn't during the week, and Dad probably brought home lunch from the deli. Perhaps he'd "do the bills" after lunch while Mom continued on to the mall with me to try on some clothes, or maybe we'd go have some ice cream or--gasp--just come back home and not do much of anything. My parents might call some friends to say hi; chances were I'd be in the play room for most of the day. The evening would find us gathered around the TV or reading to each other, and Sunday, with the exception of church, would be more of the same bumming around the house punctuated by the occasional trip to the movies or a family restaurant.

Okay, so I should probably check my contacts and make sure I'm not wearing the rose-tinted ones. ;) But the idyllic description of my childhood notwithstanding, my parents' marriage had a clear division of labor which allowed for those relaxing weekends. By splitting the chores, they doubled their free time.

Singles don't have this option. If you're without a spouse or live-in lover, you must take care of everything that's screaming for your attention, all day, every day. No exceptions. It doesn't matter if it would be more convenient for a girlfriend to pick up lunch while you call the phone company about your long-distance plan. Too bad if it would save you time if you had a husband to take the car for gas while you're writing out the checks of the week. If you get sick, deal with it. If there's an emergency, that's yours to handle, too. All by yourself.

Now, since this is a singles-friendly blog, you must be wondering when I'm going to get to the positive part. Your wait is over. Here it is:

Short of renting a robot, you won't be able to replace the helping hands of a marital partner. But the good news is there are some shortcuts you can take to minimize some tasks and double up on others so that your life will be only half as busy. Which is exactly how it should be.

Tune in tomorrow for Singletude's tips and tricks for busy singles.


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