Asexuality: The Other Orientation

Once upon a time, sexual orientation was a pretty simple concept. You were either attracted to people of the opposite sex or people of the same sex. Then, it gradually became clear that some people are attracted to both sexes, though sometimes more strongly to one than the other and sometimes only in certain phases of life. In case you get cocky and think you have it all figured out, there are also men who used to be women, women who used to be men, and men and women who dress like women and men even though they don't want to be women or men.

It's no wonder that with this overwhelming array of choices, some people are opting out and saying, "To hell with sex. I think I'll pass."

That's right. There is now a fifth (sixth?) sexual orientation emerging, and it has nothing to do with sex. In fact, that's the point. It's asexual.

Asexuality is, perhaps, the most invisible orientation in our sex-drenched society. In an age in which representatives of every imaginable sexual preference have fought for and won recognition, it is still inconceivable to much of the population that there are people who don't like, want, or need sex. But there's a good chance that some of the singles you meet every day are among the approximately 3 million Americans who identify as asexual.

The definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to either males or females. Asexuals may still experience and enjoy sexual arousal but not in response to other people, or they may have no interest in sexual activity whatsoever. Unlike people who have an aversion to sex due to a history of abuse or other trauma, asexuals simply don't have a desire for sex or view other people in a sexual light. Many can objectively label others as handsome or beautiful, as one would admire a painting or sculpture, but don't feel an accompanying attraction. They may wish to remain single, seek intimate relationships that don't include sex, or engage in intercourse solely to please a romantic partner.

No one knows how or why people don't develop a sexual interest in others, any more than they know how or why people become straight or gay. Many asexuals say that as far back as they can remember, they always felt uninterested in people as sexual beings, a sentiment that is echoed in the mainstream by those who relate growing up aware of their attraction to one sex or the other or both. It's possible that their genes code for lower hormonal levels or other anomalies that contribute to the absence of sexual desire, or they might have had deeply buried early childhood experiences that turned them off to sex. However, what's important is that they are the way they are, and in contrast to people who are disturbed by anxiety, repulsion, or indifference surrounding sex, asexuals are content with their lifestyles.

Asexuals come in all different physical packages, just like people of any other orientation; they have no identifying features. They are not, as one may be tempted to think, less physically attractive than others.

Millions of asexuals may feel alone or misunderstood in a world that idealizes sex as the highest form of fulfillment, essential to a happy, healthy life. But it really is only one piece of the happiness pie, and it's not in a flavor that everyone likes.

If you or someone you know is asexual, you may want to visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) to learn more and find support.


What do you think about asexuality and how our society relates to asexuals? If you or someone you know is asexual, can you share any stories about the experience of asexuals in a sexual world?


Other Sources
Asexuality
Sexless and Proud
Feature: Glad to Be Asexual
Asexuals Unite
Asexuality.Meetup.com
Study: One in 100 Adults Asexual
Asexuality: Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample


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