Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles

Singletude is a positive, supportive singles blog about life choices for the new single majority. It's about dating and relationships, yes, but it's also about the other 90% of your life--family, friends, career, hobbies--and flying solo and sane in this crazy, coupled world. Singletude isn't about denying loneliness. It's about realizing that whether you're single by choice or by circumstance, this single life is your life to live.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Singles in the News: 10/18/09-10/24/09

This edition of "Singles in the News" arrives a little late and may do so again next week due to the Halloween festivities that have been keeping me busy. There'll be no candy for me this year, but I'm thankful that my health issues don't prevent me from relaxing with good friends and some scary TV!

Also, while we're talking personal news, I want to let you all know that I'll be at Saks Fifth Avenue for the third "Live the Life You Love" discussion panel for single women sponsored by and Spark Networks. Topics covered during the evening will be cooking, entertaining, career, and love, followed by free makeovers and personal shoppers for all! Tickets are $25 when you order online, so hurry and grab yours before they sell out! I hope to see you there.


"Madam Ovary"
By Pronoti Datta
The Times of India
Summary: Vitrification, the new process for freezing eggs, is gaining popularity among Indian single women.


"Ailing Vets Find Help in Housing Program"
By Elizabeth Ganga
Summary: Housing vouchers from Veterans Affairs Supportive Housing (HUD-VASH) is helping at-risk vets in New York, most of whom are single men, keep roofs over their heads while they work with case managers to address the issues that stand between them and successful independent living.

Singles With Singletude Award
"Black Women Find Themselves Single and Happy Ever After"
By Jessica Shim
The Grio
Summary: Lately, we've been hearing a lot about how difficult it is for African-American women to find husbands. Nika Beamon, author of I Didn't Work This Hard Just to Get Married, and other single black women wonder why that's a problem. "'Single is not a death sentence like people think it is,'" explains one women interviewed. "'Not to say that having a partner isn't fun. But being single is you know, great.'" Another says, "'Singleness doesn't mean that you are lonely. Alone doesn't mean that you're lonely. It's just a different experience.'" Better educational and career opportunities as well as the influence of strong female role models are discussed as factors contributing to the contentment and self-sufficiency that mark the lives of single African-American women. Check out the video clip, too! After all the hoopla about how much black women are suffering without "good men," it's refreshing to hear the women fire back with a more balanced perspective on what it really means to be spouse-free.

"Media Gallery: The Best Cities to Meet Men"
The Daily Beast
Summary: Single men are said to flock to these U.S. cities. Atlanta takes the cake with Boston and Seattle occupying the second and third spots. San Francisco and the Minneapolis-St. Paul metro area round out the top five. The biggest loser is El Paso.

"My Body Will Do What?"
By Sharon Leach
Jamaica Observer
Summary: A single woman kvetches about the unique "maintenance" challenges that older women face when they want to keep up appearances on a date. The implication is that older single men can't accept the realities of aging in women, and that's sad.

"Single Women to Easily Inherit Family Property"
Daily Nation
Summary: Wonderful news for single women in Kenya! A newly proposed law promises to ban discriminatory practices that prevent unmarried women from inheriting parental properties and ensure that parents make legal provisions for their single daughters in the event of their death. Currently, single women "are either forced out of the family land or compelled to live there with their children as squatters."


Singleschmucker Award
"5 Things I'd Do Differently as Single Do-over"
By Wendy Atterberry
Summary: Relationship writer Atterberry is married now, but she wishes she had done things differently as a single. Specifically, she would've ditched losers sooner, moped less about them, dated more ethnically diverse men, traveled by herself, and trusted her own instincts. Some of this is good advice, particularly her exhortation to travel solo and use that women's intuition, but Atterberry seems to forget at a few points that hindsight is 20-20. For example, when you're married, it's easy to say you shouldn't have been so bothered by break-ups because someday you'd meet "the one," but the reality is that not all singles will find life partners, and most are painfully aware of it while they're dating. There's a certain condescension when marrieds like this assume that their readers' lives will turn out just like their own. There's also a mild "marrieds know best" undertone at work, as though the writer became magically qualified to dole out advice to singles just because she tied the knot. In the grand scheme of things, this article doesn't really merit a Singleschmucker, but it was slim pickings this week.

"Single Golfer Seeks Stableford Relationship..."
The Irish Times
Summary: Ireland's Aiofe Cooling, described as a "businesswoman with a penchant for golf" believes that not only business deals can be made on the golf course. So she's starting a matchmaking service for golfers called Fairway Friends.


"Publicity Failing to Improve Sexual Health Behaviour"
Summary: The British Office of National Statistics has found that 59% of single men and 52% of single women have "not reduced their number of one-night stands or increased their use of condoms despite fears about STIs...Only 6% of men and 7% of women said they had been affected enough by publicity to have fewer one-night stands."


"Asking for Help, and the Work That Goes Into It"
By James Warden
Stillwater Gazette
Summary: An undercover reporter in Minnesota discovers how hard it is for a single adult to apply for welfare...and actually get it.

" Poll: Single Men Would Stay in a New Relationship with a Woman Diagnosed with Breast Cancer"
Summary: An online dating site poll finds that 90% of single women believe they'd get dumped by their hypothetical boyfriends if diagnosed with breast cancer, but 80% of single men surveyed said they'd stick around to help their partners battle the illness. The problem with this survey is that it puts a lot of pressure on single men to give a PC answer. Plus, it's all well and good to imagine you'd act heroically in a time of crisis, but when push comes to shove, lots of people don't, especially when a relationship is brand new. If new couples split every day for such trivialities as annoying sleep habits, poor housekeeping, and conflicting tastes in entertainment, do we really believe that 80% of them would survive life-threatening illness? Let's get real.

"India: Single Women Break Their Silence, Challenge Societal Norms"
By Nitin Jugran Bahuguna
Summary: In the past few months, Singletude has linked to a lot of reports about the cruelty and downright abuse that single women in India routinely face as par for the course of daily existence. This more in-depth feature interviews three of the women who were instrumental in organizing the recent National Forum for Single Women's Rights. It also examines the single women's movement in the context of the larger Indian civil rights movement, the current inadequate legal protections for single women, and the additional legislation that activists are petitioning for. A runner-up for the Singles With Singletude Award.

"Repairers of the Breach Plans Expanded Homeless Center"
By Georgia Pabst
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Summary: A charitable organization in Milwaukee "operates the only center of its kind in the city where homeless single adults can go during the day to warm up and get food, clothing, a bath, health screening, counseling and other support services." It will soon undergo rennovations to keep up with increasing demand.

"Why Diane Keaton Is My Single Lady Role Model"
By Ami Angelowicz
the Frisky
Summary: To spare you the suspense, it's because she's got singletude. She's a quirkyalone, a onely, a singlutionary, someone who likes herself as she is, and if a guy doesn't, then tough luck. She's quoted as saying, "'I don’t think that because I’m not married it’s made my life any less. That old maid myth is garbage.'" Oh, yeah, and she's a single mom by choice, too.


"Hey, Brother, Can You Spare the Time?"
By Alison Leigh Cowan
The New York Times
Summary: A popular program to give small, useful Christmas gifts to homeless singles in New York City is threatened.

"Shriver Report: Get Married, Have Kids, Then We'll Speak to Your Issues"
Summary: The Huffington Post turns the spotlight on singles advocate Bella DePaulo's blog, Living Single, where she has been running a series critiquing singlism in The Shriver Report, a joint study by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress.


"Fighting to Be a Mother Again"
By Sandy Banks
Los Angeles Times
Summary: Single women struggling to regain legal custody of children in the foster care system must fight an uphill battle. Many have to recover from addiction, mental illness, or abusive relationships. But the biggest obstacle standing between these women and their children may be how to afford housing as single mothers.

"Women's Shelter Opening Soon"
By Bennett Hall
The Corvallis Gazette-Times
Summary: A homeless shelter for single women is set to open in an Oregon town.

Do you have thoughts on any of the stories above? (When commenting, please reference the title of the article.)

Want to stay current on changes in the world that impact singles? Read the latest news about singles every day! Check out the Singletude newsreader under Singles in the News on the homepage!

Do you have a question for Clever Elsie about some aspect of the single life? Have an unpublished rant or rave about singlehood?
Write in, and you just might see your question in a "Singletude Q&A" or your rant or rave in a "Singletude Sound-off"! Singletude makes every effort to republish submissions in their original form but reserves the right to edit your submission for length and clarity.


Special K said...

The advice for singles from a married person article BOTHERED shouldn't, but it does. would an infertile woman want advice about how to get pregnant? Or do smokers want to hear from survived lung cancer patients how to quit? the thing is...don't give advice unless asking for it, and don't put out the message that "someday...if you're patient, and perfect, your prince will come." Hell, it's not settling just to have a good dinner date.

Anonymous said...

It's nice that there were slim pickings for the singleschmucker award.

I think this article was an important choice, though, because it's offensiveness was subtle, as is much singlism. What makes singlism so damaging is its insidious near-invisibility, like in this essay. So it's good that she got the SS award. Well done.


Clever Elsie said...

Special K: Good point! When you think about it, a lot of dating gurus out there use exactly this strategy to market themselves. They use their marriages as credentials to justify their advice to singles.

The problem with that is threefold. First, no two couples are alike, so what worked for their relationships won't necessarily work for mine. Second, just because they got married doesn't mean they can claim relationship success. For all the public knows, their marriages could be in shambles. Third, the mentality of someone who ended up married isn't necessarily the same to begin with as the mentality of someone who is still single. It's been said that marrieds are always biased against singleness because they disliked it enough to get married. While that may not always be the case, there's something to it.

Thanks again for bringing this up!

Onely: Yes, yes, so true!