Singletude: A Positive Blog for Singles

Singletude is a positive, supportive singles blog about life choices for the new single majority. It's about dating and relationships, yes, but it's also about the other 90% of your life--family, friends, career, hobbies--and flying solo and sane in this crazy, coupled world. Singletude isn't about denying loneliness. It's about realizing that whether you're single by choice or by circumstance, this single life is your life to live.

Monday, June 9, 2008

How to Be Attractive to Singles...and Others, Too

Nerds Do It Better alerted me to this post, 37 Simple Things You Can Do to Be More Attractive to the Opposite Sex. Actually, most of these tips apply not only in romantic situations but in any social environment, whether at work, in school, or with friends. Quite possibly, you'll be familiar with some if not all of them-- be confident, stay in shape, be optimistic, and the like--but the real gems are hidden in the links, which serve up practical and sometimes innovative resources for everything from honing your sense of humor to whitening your teeth with home remedies.

Also, ladies should be especially attentive to the section aimed at women. Although I don't endorse all of them, there are some good pointers here that you don't see every day (i.e. learn to accept a compliment, dress consistently with who you are, etc.). (There's a section for men, too, but I didn't find the advice there to be out of the ordinary.)

I thought I'd round out the list with Singletude's own recommendations for increasing your attraction factor, whether your goal is dating, friend finding, job hunting, party crashing, or anything else that demands you make a good impression:

1. Cultivate your interests.
Interesting people have interesting skills, hobbies, and goals. If you sack out on the couch every night like a lumpy potato, stop vegging and start juicing up your life with those guitar lessons you keep postponing or that novel you always wanted to write. Well-rounded singles have more entrees to conversation, are more impressive to others, and are more fun to talk to. Besides, you never know when that newly acquired talent for gargling while playing the kazoo will land you a job...or at least fifteen minutes of fame.

2. Find a job that you like...or, better yet, love. Singles who like what they do for a living radiate a positive, satisfied glow that attracts others like moths to flame. Because these individuals are living self-actualized lives, others admire them and are inspired by them. Conversely, people who are forever whining about intolerable job situations can be pretty intolerable themselves. If you're unhappy in your current career and envision yourself on another path, you owe it to yourself to try on a different job hat for size. As a bonus, you may find others responding favorably to your newfound happiness and zest for life.

3. Be open-minded. To new ideas, new people, new places, new activities. A healthy sense of adventure is attractive, as is respect for others' opinions and modes of life, even if you disagree with them. If you freeze out others on first contact, you might miss out on some terrific opportunities to have fun and develop relationships. You know the phrase "don't knock it till you try it"? Well, tattoo that on your brain.

4. Be personable. Go out of your way to introduce yourself, strike up a conversation, or offer help when needed. People naturally gravitate toward those who seem to like them. (This is called reciprocal liking.) In other words, you have to be friendly to win friends.

5. Be present. Ah, yes, "live for the moment." You've heard it a thousand times before. But what does it mean? Singles who are "in the moment" are excited about who and what is around them. They pay attention to those they're with and revel in their current circumstances rather than moping about the past or procrastinating until the future. If you regularly battle with these demons, realize that nothing you do today can change the past, but you're building the foundation for the future right now, in the present, so everything you do from hereon out counts. You need to give 110%! Some people may have a hard time being present because of depression. If you suspect you're one of them, please see a therapist so you can regain your ability to enjoy the present. Remember: the present is the gift you give yourself. ;)

6. Carry the conversation. Somewhere between email, voice mail, and text messaging, the art of conversation began to die out. These days, articulate, communicative people are hard to come by. Yet conversation lays the groundwork for human interaction and continues to build and support a relationship throughout its lifespan. Singles who master the art of verbal expression have an advantage on the dating scene as well as on the job. But you don't have to be the next Shakespeare or Byron to talk a good talk. Just be enthusiastic, listen carefully, and keep up your end of the conversation. Don't expect your conversational partner to entertain you since that can be stressful for him or her and ultimately create an unfavorable impression. If you find yourself running out of things to say, ask questions. Most people like to talk about themselves and will be flattered you asked.

7. Connect to a higher power. Have you ever been in the presence of a spiritual teacher, maybe a nun or yogi or rabbi, and felt a deep sense of peace just sitting and listening to them? The sense of calm and purpose that permeates the lives of people of faith can be contagious. If you often feel irritable and stressed and are searching for meaning in life, make it a point to delve into spiritual traditions that interest you. Once you're more centered in your beliefs, you may find that, as a happy side effect, people are drawn to you. Notice I said "side effect," though. A spiritual transformation has to be something that evolves naturally out of your own desire for it. If you try to force it out of ulterior motives, others will see through the shallow depths of your disguise.

8. Know yourself. Your likes and dislikes. Your opinions. Your values. Your beliefs. Singles who are in touch with themselves have more to offer to others. If you've ever been around someone who had no distinct thoughts of his or her own, you probably know what I mean. People like to share and sometimes debate ideas, and if you haven't figured out what yours are, you're in danger of coming across as though you have all the personality of a bologna sandwich. In contrast, people who know themselves can be confident and decisive in conversation because they don't need to hem and haw and mull over how to present the best facade. If you're confused about who you are, try writing some lists of things that make you happy or unhappy, causes you believe in, pet peeves, etc. Instead of disengaging from controversial topics, watch the news or read the paper and monitor your responses to the headlines. You might also try journaling to force yourself to verbalize your feelings.

Including the original 37 tips on Nerds Do It Better's list, that brings us to a total of 45 things you can do to make yourself more attractive to others! So why are you still here reading? Go get started!

What would you add to this list of ways to be a more attractive person? Have you or someone you know tried any of these pointers and found that they did or didn't work?

Fun Link of the Day


All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

hope u dont mind the drive by any who
Nice spot u have here, hope u don’t mind the drive by, do chk me out one day

rawdawgbuffalo and if u like what u read, maybe u will come back, even Blog Roll Me
my folk did a review and interview on me so chk it

Clever Elsie said...

Torrance: Thanks for checking out Singletude, and I hope you'll stop by again!

I generally only blog roll bloggers who regularly write about singles issues, in keeping with my theme here. But I did read your blog, and I can highly recommend it. It's insightful, provocative, and well stated.

Unknown said...

I think it's important for people to cultivate interests regardless of whether they are single or not.

Clever Elsie said...

Yoruame: Absolutely! And thanks for reading! I hope you'll drop by again.